This week has been a very difficult week for me because I have been obsessed with trying to answer a question. During the Sunday’s webinar. Mark told us to write on an index card, “What am I pretending not to know?” I have internalized this question during my sits this week and I have been thinking about it a lot during the day. I have come to the conclusion that what I am pretending not to know is “What do I want to do with my life? I really don’t know. I am 56 years old and don’t know what I want to do. I currently deliver pizzas and I do enjoy the job and seeing my customers, but the job quite frankly only provides a paycheck, there are no benefits such as health insurance or paid holidays or vacations. I want to make more money, but that is an effect. What do I want to do that will make me happy? What will make me happy? For today’s reading I chose to read Lesson 13 and these paragraphs just popped out at me.
17. If we think of some form of material wealth we may secure it. By concentrated thought the required conditions will be brought about, and the proper effort put forth, which will result in bringing about the circumstances necessary to realize our desires; but we often find that when we secure the things we thought we wanted, they do not have the effect we expected. That is, the satisfaction is only temporary, or possibly is the reverse of what we expected.
18. What, then, is the proper method of procedure? What are we to think in order to secure what we really desire? What you and I desire, what we all desire, what everyone is seeking, is Happiness and Harmony. If we can be truly happy we shall have everything the world can give. If we are happy ourselves we can make others happy.
19. But we cannot be happy unless we have, health, strength, congenial friends, pleasant environment, sufficient supply, not only to take care of our necessities but to provide for those comforts and luxuries to which we are entitled.
While I was talking to my Sweetie about this another reading popped into my head from the Greatest Salesman’s reading this month you are nature’s greatest miracle.
“I have been given eyes to see and a mind to think and now I know a great secret of life for I perceive, at last, that all my problems, discouragements and heartaches are, in truth, great opportunities in disguise. I am no longer fooled by the garments they wear for mine eyes open. ”
I feel if I can answer this question “What do I want?” I am going to have great opportunities. Also, how many other people could I help who possibly feel the same as me? All I need to do is answer this question.
This cement has really been caked on and has really hardened over my 56 plus years on this earth. I know it is going to take work to get through these layers of cement. The funny thing is this has not been a difficult week because of depression or self-pity, it has been because I have been obsessed with finding the answer to this question. I could be on the edge of breaking through to success!!
My wish for all of you are that you are Whole, Perfect, Strong, Powerful, Loving, Healthy, Harmonious & Happy!!